The final fantasy newsroom
by Blue Eyed Assasin
Summary: kk wel this a silly fic about fanmail...once you read a little you'll get it.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Yet again I do not own any thing here so don't sew my cause I have nothingness. what okay I'm a flake but that is okay. So this is my second humor fic so yes I will have some normals fics someday and I have a poem I is gonna submit so enjoy and send in your letters oh and a petition for Vinnie to come. eat durt Sephy hahahaha okay see you at the bottom!  
  
SEPHIROTH: okay So do we have any letters?  
  
Reeve: Not yet, I have a bone to pick with you!  
  
Zell: What now?  
  
Reeve: How come you're the boss huh?  
  
Sephiroth: because I'm a higher up.  
  
Irvine: well actually if you play the game you die supposedly and Reeve gets a higher position than you.  
  
Sephiroth: *shifty eyes* shut up  
  
Reno: lets just read the first letter!  
  
Cloud: we can't read the first letter cause we just started and we don't have a letter stupid!  
  
Irvine: then what are all these *holds up a bag of letters*  
  
Zell: there letters written by the writer. lets read them!  
  
Sephiroth: heres one.  
  
Hey guys, so this is the first edition to this great thingy eh, it seems good to me. Sephiroth.SIT UP STRAIGHT and put the dark material down right know! So how are you guys doin I have a question what is the best way to deal with a destructive puppy? I am asking this because every time I go intoa town there is a dog so what do I do?  
  
Writer  
  
Sephiroth: Kill it! And if you can't kill it I can!  
  
Irvine: she didn't mean like that stupid!  
  
Zell: I think you should cook it and make a hot dog!  
  
Reeve: that wasn't very funny Zell. Zell: I was being serious. isn't that how you make hotdogs.  
  
Reno: no stupid a hot dog is a male dog's-  
  
Sephiroth: okay that's enough.*cough*  
  
Reeve: why don't we just read another letter?  
  
Hey, why isn't Vincent in this I mean I asked you guys if I could and you said no so whats up with that? I was also saying I stole Roth's sword hahahahahahaha :p  
  
Sephiroth: what noooooooooooo! *sob*  
  
All: 0_0  
  
Sephiroth: *cough* what are you staring at?  
  
Cloud: our writer is a little pissed off apparently.  
  
Yoko: Damn straight I'm pissed.  
  
Sephiroth: Where did you come from?  
  
Yoko: I'm officially part of the newsroom staff.  
  
Reno:*caugh* we have a new letter from some girl.  
  
Yoko: Well whats her name??  
  
Reno: Some girl.  
  
Zell: No dude seriously whats her name??  
  
Reno: Her NAME IS SOMEGIRL!!!!  
  
Yoko: Why the hell didn't ya tell me?  
  
Sephiroth: I think he tried.  
  
Yoko: let me see that!! You dolt it says Lady-Dark-Sephirpth and this is her letter.  
  
This is a question for Sephiroth. "Will You Marry me? I have all your best pics."  
  
Sephiroth: Absolutely not. unless you willingly murder Vincent and Cloud heh heh heh.  
  
Yoko: You touch them and you will not be present in any more fics!!!!  
  
Reno: Hey it's the end of eight hours time to go to the club. I mean to the turk hq. you heard/saw nothing.  
  
Sephy: Okay well see ya. hey who spelt my name this way eeeerrrrrrr!!!  
  
~End~  
  
Hello!! 


	2. RENO YOUR LATE NO IT IS NOT DAYLIGHT SAV...

Disclaimer: If you're here youi had to have read the first damn chappie and so it begins.... Oh oh and Yhamey semm co wrote it and is in it!  
  
Sephiroth: Okay well we are back after an excellent valentines day of course I spent most of it with Cloud on our show.... I wonder when it is gonna get canceld...I CAN'T WAIT!  
  
Yoko: Ya me too...hmmmm.  
  
Zell: Hey look we got letters.  
  
Reeve: Thius one is anonymous ~looks with bewilderment~  
  
Zell: oh I'l open It!!  
  
Hey peeps it these are for you guys. They are cinnninnninim hearts oh... oh and I have a couple of poems for you okay this is for Irvine and if you aren't into this stuff than quit pretending like ya are roses are red violets are blue... oh look Zell stepped in Poo! Courtesy of my cousin Logan.  
  
Irvine: Oh yeah!! Who's the best! ~Grabs cinimonm hearts and puts them into his mouth.~ HOT HOT THAY ARE TOO HOT!!! ~runs around like a weirdo~  
  
Reeve: Imbisle, Well lets start reading More letters.  
  
|Strange but funny. Poor Cloud with the wjole small pox thing,and | |stop confusing Sheph with the name changes. It hurts his head. | |Anyway got a question for Cloud. When are you and tif getting | |married.You do love her don't you? (glares at Cloud)As for Sheph | |are you and Aeris going out? Come on Come on you know you want her | |(nugdes Sheph on shoulder) shadowfox83 |  
  
Cloud: OOOOOHHHHHH Me and Tiff well there was kinda this night at the Gold Saucer and there was a lot of alcohol involved and I kinda already married her and I didn't wanna tell any body cause...  
  
Irvine: DUDE YOUR MARRIED! ~tackles cloud~  
  
Cloud: can't breathe!  
  
Sephiroth: No I do not want to go out with that girl she is sooooo annoying. I didn't kill her because mother told me to I killed her cause she always complained! The woman does not know the word SHUT YOUR MOUTH OR I WILL BE FORCED TO CRAM THIS SWORD THROUGH YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS AND LEAVE YOU TO DIE!!!  
  
Yoko: Sry all of us here including Cloud are into Aerith Bashing.... Don't hold it against us though! ~reno walks in~  
  
Reno: hey ppl how are you it is such a nice morning but why did you wanna come in so early though?  
  
Yoko: It is ten and you were supposed to be here at ten and ARRRGH  
  
Reno: UMMMMM did u not know that it was daylight savins?  
  
Irvine: That was last month  
  
Reno: oooohhh...ooops.  
  
Reeve: Seeing as to which I haven't spoken through this whole session might I suggest we read another letter.  
  
Hi was wondering if yoko *cough* Breezy *cough* is gay and why she kept trying to steal my controller while playing ff9... I like ff9 its better than seven!!! No... no its not.  
  
Yhamey Semm  
  
Yoko: That is top secret info and no I cant be gay cause well you know I like Vincent. And the rest of the information is TOP SECRET HAHAHAHAHA...HA!  
  
Sephiroth: that was deeply disturbing even for me... no its not.  
  
~poof! Yhamey semm pops up~  
  
Vincent: poof??  
  
Yhamey Semm: ~looks ashamed~ ZAP was taken ~sniffle~  
  
Yoko: AWWWW ITS OKAY I cant use the stars anymore cause it goes bold.  
  
Reno: I CALL DIBBS ON THE NEW CHIC!!  
  
Irvine: damn  
  
Sephiroth: well lets go on to the new chapter because I really Really want to get out out of here.  
  
I have a question for sephy Where do you buy your shampoo?  
  
Aeis's evil twin  
  
Sephiroth: I use pantene Pro-v 2in1 and dove shampoo tangarine twist ( energizes hair for healthy glow) and herbal esenses fruit fusions. put it on the palm of your hand lather leave it in for two minutes and repeat depending on the length of your hair I tend to do it at least seven times it helps get rid of the blood stains and gives me that erie healthy shine.  
  
All: O_O  
  
Sephiroth: hey I might be an evil prick but I still have to look good.  
  
Reno: SSSSUUUURRREEE well lets read another letter. |This is good... Oh, and a question for Sephiroth. Why the crap | |didn't you end Cloud for good? Black dragon |  
  
Seph: COM ON NOW I tried do you have any conception on how hard that is especially when you have a million fangirls who are just waiting to put a bounty on my head!!  
  
Yoko: calm down my god!  
  
|Crystal D. Starlit |2004-02-02 |2 |Anonym| | | | |ous | |I have a question, Cloud will you marry me? I would ask Sephiroth | |but I have a better chance with you Cloud. |  
  
Sephiroth: sorry I wont marry anyone cuz I am too special to and cloud is married so hahaha  
  
Yoko: Ummmm there are no more letters sry but that's life...  
  
Vincent; oh well then that was short so iguess we will leave then  
  
Irvine; hey reno ya wanna go to the club it is so much fun and there arew really hot babes well of course there are it's a club duh.  
  
Yoko: well keep writin peeps but I don't know if this will be my last update on this site  
  
~END~  
  
Hey everyone you know what I know this might be considered advertising but you really should try out yhamey Semm's story she dies and it is pure hilariousness I touch Vinnies ass  
  
Vincent: Don't remind me  
  
Me: hey I'm not the auther of that one she has full power! 


	3. Mud Wrestling Matches

YAY A NEW CHAPTER OKAY FIRST THING THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT STUFF IS FROM WHAT IS.COM AND WAS COPIED AND PASTED. I ALSO DO NOT OWN FF OR THE BLAIRWITCH PROJECT... I DON'T OWN ANYTHING MAN I SUCK ASS.  
  
Sephiroth: Dammnit why am I here again it's another perferctly good day of killing gone down the drain to answer questions by people who'll I probably end up killing anyway!  
  
Yhamey: come on Sephy burn the fat off those thighs!*is wearing some kind of spandex*  
  
Sephiroth: I do not have fatty thighs!  
  
Yhamey: well you certainly let yourself go!!  
  
Sephiroth: *Throws Yoga ball at her head* stupid bitch!  
  
Yhamey: oww this is for your own good... you messed up my hair. *undoes perfectly good hair and puts it back up in pigtails.*  
  
Reno: lets get to the first letter!!  
  
Reeve: How come you always say that!  
  
Reno: Easy because if I didn't the world would come to utter chaos and..and *starts to get all panicky* it's the butterfly effect!!  
  
Cloud: ummm whats the Butterfly effect... is it the movie with that dude who is like mega sexy?! But not as sexy as Johnny Depp!  
  
All: 0_0  
  
Cloud: Well...according to Tifa and Yuffie...  
  
Reeve: Good cover  
  
Tseng: Hey wanna go to squat and giggles with me?? * is sucking on a lollypop seductively*  
  
(A/N: You just imagine what he looks like kay I am so not in the mood to describe it!)  
  
Sephiroth: That doesn't answer my fuckin question. What the hell is the butterfly effect!!  
  
Yhamey goes into Bill Nye the science guy mode*  
  
Yhamey: Well you see people have made many theories about what causes world chaos. One of these many theories is known as the butterfly effect. butterfly effect , first described by Lorenz at the December 1972 meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Washington, D.C., vividly illustrates the essential idea of chaos theory. In a 1963 paper for the New York Academy of Sciences, Lorenz had quoted an unnamed meteorologist's assertion that, if chaos theory were true, a single flap of a single seagull's wings would be enough to change the course of all future weather systems on the earth. By the time of the 1972 meeting, he had examined and refined that idea for his talk, "Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?" The example of such a small system as a butterfly being responsible for creating such a large and distant system as a tornado in Texas illustrates the impossibility of making predictions for complex systems; despite the fact that these are determined by underlying conditions, precisely what those conditions are can never be sufficiently articulated to allow long-range predictions. Yhamey: This is just one of the many chaos theories. All: * sitting on the floor listening like little school children Sephiroth: Am I mentioned in the chaos effect? Yoko: Fraid not. You just cause utter Chaos openly we can't make you a theory...know if you did it secretly we could. Reno: anyone who reads that should utterly utterly ashamed. Reeve: aren't you failing science Yhamey? Yhamey: No' it's math! Oh, and who gave you permission to look at my report card hmm! Oh, and yeah I'm failing that too.. why did you have to bring it up Numb Nuts?! Reno: well know that I have recovered from my paranormal state lets read a letter!! dogcollar  
  
k... i have a question!! Why can't you and you *points at Cloud and Sephy* get along and be friends? Even for one day? i think the two of you make good allies... please don't turn me down... *sniffle* imagine what both of you could do...  
  
Sephy: ME and cloud * looks disgusted* eeeeewww! What is wrong with you woman... or guy geeze there are some sick minded people in this world!  
  
Cloud: that is like one of the biggest chaos theories in the universe!  
  
Yhamey: Actually it is  
  
Sephiroth: Shut the hell up!!  
  
Yhamey: I whooped your ass once I can do it again! * pulls out sledge hammer*  
  
Sephiroth: I'm sorry I'm sorry! Vincent: *still doing aerobics* we should read the next letter.  
  
Wakka dude   
  
Question 4 Cloud and Sephiroth... Is it hard to get across the U.S. Border? with your weapons?  
  
Sephiroth: well yes and no you see I have the ability to fly so well I just fly over the boarder.  
  
Cloud: Welll that's the reason my pants are so baggy I can easily conceal it.  
  
Reno: I thought they were baggy for a different for a different reason.  
  
Cloud: * gasp*  
  
A/n: this is dedicated to the great Conan O'brien!!  
  
Random American Person: Welcome to Cloud Strife's recliner of rage!!  
  
RAP: *In Rock music form * CLOUD STRIFES, RECLINER OF RAGE!  
  
Yoko: Cloud are you comfortable and angry?  
  
Cloud: comfy and furious Yoko!  
  
Yoko: Well why don't you tell us whats wrong  
  
Cloud: I am sick and tired of Reno laughing at me because I am always surrounded by a beautiful women and constantly get an * whispers* erection.  
  
Yoko: I can't hear you cloud?  
  
Cloud: ERECTION!!!  
  
All: * GASP*  
  
Cloud: I hate you all.  
  
Yhamey: well before my poor virgin ears inflict any more damage lets read the next letter.  
  
Bootie Can i give Reeve a Lobotomy?  
  
All except Reeve: Why the hell not. Yhamey: I don't think there is anything in there worth of value for you. * pulls out dead brain slug* poor thing died of starvation... so sad so sad.  
  
Yoko: Well... that was...umm...odd.  
  
Vincent: I could do this forever * bounceing on a yoga ball*  
  
Sephiroth: I could beat you at that!!  
  
Vincent: How about mud wrestling!  
  
Sephiroth: I am a dirty, dirty man anyway.  
  
Yoko: wow I have the thing just for this. * pulls rope and in behind is a mud wrestling pit and tons of screaming fans *  
  
(A/N: If you stop reading know I will fully understand)  
  
Ref: and in this corner we have Sephiroth and his coach Yhamey with his Jenova/ makop enhanced body he'll tke you down!  
  
Yhamey: Come on you can do this I believe in you!  
  
Ref: And in this corner we have a vampire thingy... and his person thing * crowd boos* Hey it's my first day * gets hit with a first round of cheriies * god help me it burns It burns * second round a car* ahhh *gets knocked onto the ground and drowns in the mudd.  
  
Random pearson: Queer hulk did it again. Hulk samash like totally.  
  
Vincent: That was wrong on so many levels...  
  
Sephiroth: I feel violated. Oh, well lets get dirty!!  
  
*starts wrestling Vincent flips Sephiroth onto his back in the mud*  
  
Yhamey: Come on Seph get your lazy fucking ass off the ground!!  
  
Ref: Time  
  
*both wrestlers walk to there coaches... topless*  
  
A/N: I like to fantasize  
  
Yoko: Play clean okay play clean. Yhamey: kick him in the nads. *while pouring water into his mouth while doing so spilling it all over his firm chest and torso *  
  
A/N: Sorry to all the poor guys out there reading this whose girlfriends are probably reading this right know... I told you I like to fasntasize  
  
*Sephiroth walks up to Vincent kicks him in the family jewls and hammerheads him *  
  
Vincent: What * looks down* what oh how Hey you Bastard!!  
  
Sephiroth: What??  
  
* blues clues music*  
  
Vincent: I'm okay thanks to my handy dandy * whip sound * Jockstrap.  
  
Sephiroth: *falls down to hurl Vincent walks over and hits him on the head with a chair and knocks him out *  
  
Yhamey: YOU CAN"T DO THAT YOKO!! ARMOR? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!  
  
Yoko: ummm You told Seph to Kick Vincent In the nads and that is so against the rules!  
  
Yhamey: Oh Yeah!! *walks up and bitch slaps Yoko * *the two start wwf style *  
  
1 HOUR LATER  
  
Yhamey: I've broken a nail shredded my shirt all in the name of Justice.  
  
Cloud: umm you put Yoko in the infirmary even mastered cure materias couldn't help.  
  
Yhamey: yeah go me!! I'm so pumped!  
  
Reno: Lets water Yhamey down!  
  
Yhamey: Shut up foo!  
  
Cloud: your starting to sound like Mr: T!  
  
Yhamey: Shut up and lets just read the next letter!!  
  
Squimish Tuna Sephiroth have a mud westling contest with... VINCENT! and then with Yoko and then with Rufus. Oh and Whats Clouds favorite Restaurant? Yhamey: well Yoko isn't here right know and Rufus... where is Rufus??  
  
Cloud: I found this tape in the bag.  
  
* they put the tape in*  
  
Rufus: God help me please take this and take the coordinates and find my body * Rufus straps camera into a tree*  
  
Blair Witch: hahahah * takes Rufus and ties him up naked and starts burning him*  
  
Cloud: well I guess for all of us when I say that was unexpected.  
  
* all of them act like nothing happened and read next letter*  
  
KILL THE EMPIRE i need a suggesgion, when i get over to where sephiroth is, sould i stab him like he stabbed aeris? or should i litterally shove that masamune so far up his ass, he will taste it for 2 months?  
  
Sephiroth: oh damn it I'm gonna kill jimmy he made this public!!  
  
Reno: Plan B Plan B.  
  
All: yup totally.  
  
Seph: aren't you on my side?  
  
All including Yhamey: NOPE!  
  
Seph: but you're my coach.  
  
Yhamey: Hello it was a game. A very violent game but a game all the same.  
  
Reno: Yhamey I love you... Will you marry me.  
  
Yhamey: YES!!  
  
~END~  
  
HAHAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER MWAHAHAHA...HA I HOPE YOU ENJOYED AND MOST OF THE DISTURBING PARTS WERE YHAMEY'S IDEA AKA MUD WRESTLING!! 


	4. Mud W Part 2

YAY A NEW CHAPTER OKAY FIRST THING THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT STUFF IS FROM WHAT IS.COM AND WAS COPIED AND PASTED. I ALSO DO NOT OWN FF OR THE BLAIRWITCH PROJECT... I DON'T OWN ANYTHING MAN I SUCK ASS. (Yhamey: This is part 2, I had to proof read it so it made some sense, and I know I did a bad job so SHUT UP!)  
  
Sephiroth: Damnit why am I here again it's another perfectly good day of killing gone down the drain to answer questions by people who'll I probably end up killing anyway!  
  
Yhamey: come on Sephy burn the fat off those thighs!*is wearing some kind of spandex*  
  
Sephiroth: I do not have fatty thighs!  
  
Yhamey: well you certainly let yourself go!!  
  
Sephiroth: *Throws Yoga ball at her head* stupid bitch!  
  
Yhamey: oww this is for your own good... you messed up my hair. *Undoes perfectly good hair and puts it back up in pigtails. *  
  
Reno: lets get to the first letter!!  
  
Reeve: How come you always say that!  
  
Reno: Easy because if I didn't the world would come to utter chaos and.... and *starts to get all panicky* it's the butterfly effect!!  
  
Cloud: Ummm what's the Butterfly effect... is it the movie with that dude who is like mega sexy?! But not as sexy as Johnny Deep!  
  
All: 0_0  
  
Cloud: Well...according to Tifa and Yuffie...  
  
Reeve: Good cover  
  
Tseng: Hey wanna go to squat and giggles with me?? * is sucking on a lollypop seductively*  
  
(A/N: You just imagine what he looks like kay I am so not in the mood to describe it!)  
  
Sephiroth: That doesn't answer my fuckin' question. What the hell is the butterfly effect!!  
  
Yhamey goes into Bill Nye the science guy mode*  
  
Yhamey: Well you see people have made many theories about what causes world chaos. One of these many theories is known as the butterfly effect. butterfly effect , first described by Lorenz at the December 1972 meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Washington, D.C., vividly illustrates the essential idea of chaos theory. In a 1963 paper for the New York Academy of Sciences, Lorenz had quoted an unnamed meteorologist's assertion that, if chaos theory were true, a single flap of a single seagull's wings would be enough to change the course of all future weather systems on the earth. By the time of the 1972 meeting, he had examined and refined that idea for his talk, "Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?" The example of such a small system as a butterfly being responsible for creating such a large and distant system as a tornado in Texas illustrates the impossibility of making predictions for complex systems; despite the fact that these are determined by underlying conditions, precisely what those conditions are can never be sufficiently articulated to allow long-range predictions.  
  
Yhamey: This is just one of the many chaos theories.  
  
All: * sitting on the floor listening like little school children  
  
Sephiroth: Am I mentioned in the chaos effect?  
  
Yoko: Fraid not. You just cause utter Chaos openly we can't make you a theory...know if you did it secretly we could.  
  
Reno: anyone who reads that should utterly utterly ashamed.  
  
Reeve: aren't you failing science Yhamey?  
  
Yhamey: No' it's math! Oh, and who gave you permission to look at my report card hmm! Oh, and yeah I'm failing that too.. why did you have to bring it up Numb Nuts?!  
  
Reno: well know that I have recovered from my paranormal state lets read a letter!!  
  
Dogcollar: k... I have a question!! Why can't you and you *points at Cloud and Sephy* get along and be friends? Even for one day? I think the two of you make good allies... please don't turn me down... *sniffle* imagine what both of you could do...  
  
Sephy: Cloud and ME * looks disgusted* eeeeewww! What is wrong with you woman... or guy geeze there are some sick-minded people in this world!  
  
Cloud: that is like one of the biggest chaos theories in the universe!  
  
Yhamey: Actually it isn't.....  
  
Sephiroth: Shut the hell up!!  
  
Yhamey: I whooped your ass once I can do it again! * pulls out sledge hammer*  
  
Sephiroth: I'm sorry I'm sorry!  
  
Vincent: *still doing aerobics* we should read the next letter.  
  
Wakka dude   
  
Question 4 Cloud and Sephiroth... Is it hard to get across the U.S. Border? with your weapons?  
  
Sephiroth: well yes and no you see I have the ability to fly so well I just fly over the boarder.  
  
Cloud: Well that's the reason my pants are so baggy I can easily conceal it.  
  
Reno: I thought they were baggy for a different for a different reason.  
  
Cloud: * gasp*  
  
A/n: this is dedicated to the great Conan O'Brien!!  
  
Random American Person: Welcome to Cloud Strife's recliner of rage!!  
  
RAP: *In Rock music form * CLOUD STRIFES, RECLINER OF RAGE!  
  
Yoko: Cloud are you comfortable and angry?  
  
Cloud: comfy and furious Yoko!  
  
Yoko: Well why don't you tell us what's wrong  
  
Cloud: I am sick and tired of Reno laughing at me because I am always surrounded by a beautiful women and constantly get an * whispers* erection.  
  
Yoko: I can't hear you cloud?  
  
Cloud: ERECTION!!!  
  
All: * GASP*  
  
Cloud: I hate you all.  
  
Yhamey: well before my poor virgin ears inflict any more damage lets read the next letter.  
  
Bootie: Can I give Reeve a Lobotomy?  
  
All except Reeve: Why the hell not.  
  
Yhamey: I don't think there is anything in there worth of value for you. * pulls out dead brain slug* poor thing died of starvation... so sad so sad.  
  
Yoko: Well... that was...umm...odd.  
  
Vincent: I could do this forever * bouncing on a yoga ball*  
  
Sephiroth: I could beat you at that!!  
  
Vincent: How about mud wrestling!  
  
Sephiroth: I am a dirty, dirty man anyway.  
  
Yoko: wow I have the thing just for this. * pulls rope and in behind is a mud wrestling pit and tons of screaming fans *  
  
(A/N: If you stop reading know I will fully understand)  
  
Ref: and in this corner we have Sephiroth and his coach Yhamey with his Jenova/ makop enhanced body he'll take you down!  
  
Yhamey: Come on you can do this I believe in you!  
  
Ref: And in this corner we have a vampire thingy... and his person thing * crowd boos* Hey it's my first day * gets hit with a first round of cherries * god help me it burns It burns * second round a car* Ahhh *gets knocked onto the ground and drowns in the mud.  
  
Random person: Queer hulk did it again. Hulk samash like totally.  
  
Vincent: That was wrong on so many levels...  
  
Sephiroth: I feel violated. Oh, well lets get dirty!!  
  
*starts wrestling, Vincent flips Sephiroth onto his back in the mud*  
  
Yhamey: Come on Sephy get your lazy fucking ass off the ground!!  
  
Ref: Time  
  
*both wrestlers walk to there coaches... topless*  
  
A/N: I like to fantasize  
  
Yoko: Play clean okay play clean.  
  
Yhamey: kick him in the nards. *while pouring water into his mouth while doing so spilling it all over his firm chest and torso *  
  
A/N: Sorry to all the poor guys out there reading this whose girlfriends are probably reading this right know... I told you I like to fantasize  
  
*Sephiroth walks up to Vincent kicks him in the family jewels and hammerheads him *  
  
Vincent: What * looks down* what oh how Hey you Bastard!!  
  
Sephiroth: What??  
  
* blues clues music*  
  
Vincent: I'm okay thanks to my handy dandy * whip sound * Jockstrap.  
  
Sephiroth: *falls down to hurl Vincent walks over and hits him on the head with a chair and knocks him out *  
  
Yhamey: YOU CAN'T DO THAT YOKO!! ARMOR? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!  
  
Yoko: Ummm You told Sephy to Kick Vincent In the nards and that is so against the rules!  
  
Yhamey: Oh Yeah!! *walks up and bitch slaps Yoko * *the two start WWF style *  
  
1 HOUR LATER  
  
Yhamey: I've broken a nail shredded my shirt all in the name of Justice.  
  
Cloud: umm you put Yoko in the infirmary even mastered cure materials couldn't help.  
  
Yhamey: yeah go me!! I'm so pumped!  
  
Reno: Lets water Yhamey down!  
  
Yhamey: Shut up foo!  
  
Cloud: your starting to sound like Mr: T!  
  
Yhamey: Shut up and lets just read the next letter!!  
  
Squeamish Tuna : Sephiroth have a mud-wrestling contest with... VINCENT! and then with Yoko and then with Rufus. Oh and What's Clouds favourite Restaurant?  
  
Yhamey: well Yoko isn't here right know and Rufus... where is Rufus??  
  
Cloud: I found this tape in the bag.  
  
* they put the tape in*  
  
Rufus: God help me please take this and take the coordinates and find my body * Rufus straps camera into a tree*  
  
Blair Witch: hahahah * takes Rufus and ties him up naked and starts burning him*  
  
Cloud: well I guess for all of us when I say that was unexpected. MY FAVORITE RESTAURNT IS RED LOBSTER! WOOHOO!  
  
* all of them act like nothing happened and read next letter*  
  
KILL THE EMPIRE I need a suggestion, when I get over to where Sephiroth is, should I stab him like he stabbed Aeris? or should I literally shove that masamune so far up his ass, he will taste it for 2 months?  
  
Sephiroth: oh damn it I'm gonna kill jimmy he made this public!!  
  
Reno: Plan B! Plan B!  
  
All: yup totally.  
  
Sephiroth: aren't you on my side?  
  
All including Yhamey: NOPE!  
  
Sephiroth: but you're my coach.  
  
Yhamey: Hello it was a game. A very violent game but a game all the same.  
  
Reno: Yhamey I love you... Will you marry me.  
  
Yhamey: YES!!  
  
~END~  
  
HAHAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER MWAHAHAHA...HA I HOPE YOU ENJOYED AND MOST OF THE DISTURBING PARTS WERE YHAMEY'S IDEA AKA MUD WRESTLING!!  
  
Yhamey: They sure were! But Yoko agreed to put them in so you can't blame me! 


End file.
